he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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