I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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