so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
