Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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