oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
