Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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