i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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