She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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