fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
