You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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