My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
