Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
