if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
