Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
