when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I CAN MOONWALK!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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