I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
