The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
