How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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