I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
