Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
