The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
