Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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