I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
