so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
