fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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