so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i drank out of a bidet.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
