and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
