I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
