This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
