the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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