mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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