the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
