she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
