I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
