we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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