The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
