Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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