I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
