are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want her autograph on my taint
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
