well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
