listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
