I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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