I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
