i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize