So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
