You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
