There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
