did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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