Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
