plz talk dirty to me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
