five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
