Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
