no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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