just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
