I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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