haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
