3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
