probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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