I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
