I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
