meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
