Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
