I wish I only lived at night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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