he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
