Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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