you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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