Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
