Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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