it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
