My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
