i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
