This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
