what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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