i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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