The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
