Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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