Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
pray to the hookup gods
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dick very happy bro
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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