Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
