he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
