Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
