Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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