Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
