I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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