She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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