She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
