my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
