oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
