We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
