I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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