I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
