Pappa wants mamma naked
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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