yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
