the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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