Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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