He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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