white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
