I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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