I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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