my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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