and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
