they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
