you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
