get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize