We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
