idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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