I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
