She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
