Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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