I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
