When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
