those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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