dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
