I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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