grandma shit on top of the toilet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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